On Sanctuary, Security and Solidarity

Photograph from Governor Tom Wolfe Flickr Account (Creative Commons)

There are many articles out there about #Pulse. There is a lot of media coverage, stories, and statistics. Some of us are in anguish because we are LGBTQ and we grieve for our people, we rage for our people, we fear for ourselves and our people. The beautiful LGBTQ faces of Color that we see in pictures of the slain look like us, or they look like LGBTQ people of Color we love.

Some of us are in anguish because we love LGBTQ people and LGBTQ people of Color deeply and we want to be there for them in this moment. Most of us are also deeply concerned and mourning because we see the media using this tragedy to attack our Muslim family around the country and world.

We know that there are deep spiritual issues at play for LGBTQ people in this moment. Live wires of cultural pain and history. A few of them that we see:

SANCTUARY
For so many LGBTQ people, gay bars are not just places to get a beer. They are our community space, where we usually feel safe to be ourselves. They welcome us, and there are all different kinds of them which have been harbor to so many parts of our community. We don't have to have a college degree to go to them, a lot of money, a date, or friends to go with--we can go as we are. They have been homes for our community in resistance and in celebration. This massacre violated our place of home and safety.

NIGHTMARES COME TRUE
For many of us the gruesome specifics of this massacre reflect the exact nightmares that our families had for us when we 'came out', or the fears we have for ourselves, our kids, our loved ones. Some of us who are not out, stay closeted out of this kind of fear.

SENSE OF FUTILITY
For many of us who have worked for many years on LGBTQ issues, there is a sense of futility right now. We know our LGBTQ ancestors and elders worked hard to protect and defend us, often at great cost. Most of our work on LGBTQ issues has been to do the same. Some of us are feeling shame, that perhaps we have failed our beloved community in some way, because there is so much backlash against us and now we have to face this tragedy.

ISOLATION
Most LGBTQ people report that being with other LGBTQ people is 'somewhat to very' important to our mental health. One easy place to go find each other has always been our bars. Many of us are afraid to go to those places right now and therefore are not sure how to approach.

LONGING
We feel sorrow because of our longing to not lose our precious community members this way. We long to be able to love each other and ourselves without fear; for a different country than we live in. We long to not have to turn on the TV and hear transphobes and homophobes speak in such a vile manner about our beloveds. We long to not be scapegoated through hateful policy, and to not be hounded and hunted in private places like bathrooms, and safe places like our bars. 

There are no easy answers for how to spiritually address these issues. 

But, we decided to share a few gems we found, that for us were working as a 'tiny comfort pack'. It is incomplete like our ability to support each other spiritually is incomplete. But it is a start.

You will find a few pieces here that speak to the spirit of what we have lost. Pieces that speak to the spirit of what we are trying to remember. Pieces by LGBTQ people to help the straight people who love us how to support us. Pieces by LGBTQ Latinx family to help us understand the specific loss and cost to that community. 

We hope they offer you some solace, insight, and reflection: as they have us. We hope that they will inspire you to share similar things with each other. We are heartened because we also see inside of our spiritual communities that LGBTQ communities and our straight allies are having loving and honest conversations about what living with homophobia every day really means. What it means to be honest and vulnerable about that, and create intimacy in that trust. We hope to continue to support those important conversations in spiritual communities around the country. 

pulse by Alexis Pauline Gumbs

pulse by Alexis Pauline Gumbs (for the 50 in Orlando and beyond) i was going to see you i was going to dance in the same place with you someday i was going to pretend not to notice how you and your friends smiled when you saw me and my partner trying to cumbia to bachata but i was going to feel more free anyway because you were smiling and we were together and you had your stomach out and you felt beautiful in your sweat i was going to smile when i walked by i was going to hug you the first time a friend of a friend introduced us i was going to compliment your shoes instead of writing you a love poem i was going to smile every time i saw you and struggle to remember your name we were going to sing together we were going to belt out Selena i was going to mispronounce everything except for amor and ay ay ay i was going to covet your confidence and your bracelet i was going to be grateful for the sight of you i was going scream YES!!! at nothing in particular at everything especially meaning you meaning you beyond who i knew you to be i was going to see you in hallways and be too shy to say hello you were going to come to the workshop you were going to sign up for the workshop and not come you were going to translate the webinar even though my politics seemed out there we were going to sign up for creating change the same day and be reluctant about it for completely different reasons we were going to watch the keynotes and laugh at completely different times i was going to hold your hand in a big activity about the intimacy of strangers about the strangeness of needing prayer we were going to get the same automated voice message when we complained that it was not what it should have been we were going to be standing in the same line for various overpriced drinks during a shift change i was going to breathe loudly so you would notice me you were going to compliment my hair it isn’t fair because we were going to work to beyonce and rihanna and the rihanna’s and beyonce’s to come and the beyonce’s and rihanna’s after that we were going to not drink enough water and stay out later than our immune systems could handle we were going to sit in traffic in each others blindspots listening to top 40 songs that trigger queer memories just outside the scope of marketing predictions we were going to get old and i was going to wonder about the hint of a tattoo i could see under your sleeve i was going to blink and just miss the fought-for laughter lines around your liner-loved eyes i was going to go out for my birthday but i didn’t and you did we were going to be elders just because we were still around and i was going to listen to you on a panel we didn’t feel qualified for and hear you talk about your guilt for still being alive when so many of your friends were taken by suicide by AIDS by racist police and jealous ex-lovers and poverty and no access to healthcare and how you had a stable job you suffered at until the weekend how you avoided the drama and only went to the club at pride and so here you were with no one to dance with anymore i was going to see you and forget you and only remember you in my hips and how my smile came easier than clenching my teeth eventually and how i finally learned whatever it is i still haven’t learned yet i was going to hear you laugh and not know why and not care our ancestors fought for a future and we were both going to be there until we weren’t and i don’t know if it would hurt more to lose you later after knowing you i don’t know if it would hurt more to know you died on your own day by your own hands or any of the other systems that stalk you and me and ours forever i only know the pain that i am having and that you are not here to share it you are not here to bear it you were going to pass me a candle at the next vigil but now i am pulse and now you are flame.

The Alchemy of Storytelling by Mark Gonzales & Aerosol Ali

Mark Gonzales & Aerosol Ali -- The Alchemy of Storytelling -- a story of medicine for all you who have ever felt abused by discourses so damaging & boring, when what we need is beauty. We invite you to watch. We ask you to share. We love when we grow.

How to talk to a queer person who is afraid of dying by Carlos Maza

The Pulse Nightclub Shooting Robbed The Queer Latinx Community Of A Sanctuary by Veronica Bayetti Flores

On Solidarity from clergy in the wake of Orlando  

Sacred Geography: A Queer Latino Theological Response to Orlando by Vincent Cervantes

With love & solidarity,

Caitlin Breedlove, Campaign Director, Standing on the Side of Love